new post finally

I havent been good at this keeping up thing but i will try to summarize the past few months... Callie is now done with dance competitions for the season what a fun time watching that little performer. She was born to shine! Rakell is thriving in school she always has the kids fighting over who gets to play with her, and the funny thing is that she could care less. Poor callie tries so hard to be everyones friend and Rakell doesnt even try. She is a one of a kind kid I love her to bits. Kennadee has had a couple stays in the hospital the most recent in march was a week stay. She had rsv and pneumonia in both lungs but that kid just keeps truckin along. She is a trooper and a joy to be around. Her smile can brighten the darkest of days, which I have been having a lot of lately. I can not seem to pull out of this depression and have had the hardest time finding a doctor that can or will help. I have high hopes for my new doc but Im trying not to expect too much because that seems to always end me in a dissapointed and even lower state. I have the deepest sympathy for all those who have felt like this and I havent had the knowledge or awareness to comprehend what they are experiencing. It is a frustrating feeling to have lost all interest in being around anyone, I dont reply to texts or talk on the phone unless absolutely necessary. Im sure it makes it hard to be my friend but I also see who is a true friend and who cant handle it. I have been blessed with a tremendous support system in my life and I wouldnt be alive today were it not for the love and support from my family and friends. All I want out of life is to be able to take the kids fun places without feeling pannick, I want to date my husband again, I want to have girls nights again and be happy. I want to be able to keep my laundry done and put away and I want to feel pure joy. Seems like such a small thing to want out of life but it also seems so out of reach and out of my hands.